只爱鲇的囧人生

The air in the car immediately became stifling and sticky. For a moment Sandoval wished time'd stop, and that Orlando could lean against him just like this a bit longer. Fortunately senses came back to him before a possible car accident. Sandoval gulped to gather the determination to push Orlando slightly away, and turned the heat up to let the sweat keep him concentrated.

Sandoval never knew a 15-minute drive could be so eternal. He didn't have to come up with something to say, that was a relief all right; but the tension wouldn't go away, he could even feel his nerves all twisted into a big mass. He wished they'd snap so that he wouldn't be overwhelmed by those emotions pouring in, only this time they were too entangled to be vulnerable.

"Here we are." Finally parked in front of Orlando's house, Sandoval tried to wake him. This time he got less lucky again. Orlando moaned a little and seemed to sink deeper into his sleep. After all attempts (excluding more drastic ones of course) to wake Orlando turned out in vain, it now occurred to Sandoval that he had to get Orlando inside, somehow.

Sorry for the invasion of privacy. Making a silent apology, Sandoval reached into Orlando's jacket pocket for the key to his door. Nothing. Then jean pockets, even his bag. Still nothing. He had to look for the key in the old fashioned way like in those movies--under the door mat, by the window, on the door frame. No luck. Sandoval sighed yet again, though it didn't came as a surprise that Orlando's key was nowhere to be found; his carelessness was part of what he was anyway. At this point Sandoval had decided to take the most radical action so far in his life.

He drove back home and managed to get Orlando into the guest bedroom. No one needs to know and no one ever will. He kept putting this thought into his mind as he rummaged the drawers for some pills. But then he remembered Orlando once saying in a radio program how much he hated medicine and would prefer to sleep off THE flu. Never mind then. Those pills had short shelf life and were bought centuries ago anyway.

Right now Sandoval was in a state of panic and restlessness. Orlando's very presence in this house made him feel like dancing on needles. He couldn't even bring himself to imagine the scenario when Orlando woke up--guess that'd feel like rolling about on sword tips or something. The only thing he could think of was to put away his pick-up voice collection, all of which issues with Orlando specials. After that his mind went blank, completely at a loss as to the next step to take.

A weak groan from the guest bedroom dragged Sandoval back to reality. Orlando curled under the blanket, trembling as if exposed to a blizzard. Sandoval's hand, uncontrollably reached out in an attempt to smooth the corrugation between Orlando's brows, abruptly stopped in mid air as he realized what he was just trying to do. "OK...gotta calm down," Sandoval murmured, "I'm just a bit worried. That's it." He got Orlando another blanket, which didn't seem helping at all.

Enchanted, Sandoval put both hands around Orlando's left hand, pulled himself closer to Orlando and whispered continually into his ears, "Just hang in there. You'll be fine. I'm not going anywhere." All the restlessness, nervousness and rigidness which would inevitably appear whenever he got close to Orlando were suddenly gone without a trace. The fear that Orlando might just wake up and see or hear everything (or remember the remnant of whatever he was doing now) was also overcome by this weird and somewhat unwaivering determination to make him feel more comfortable.

And it really worked. Sandoval later would refer to this (secretly though) as "a godsend miracle". Orlando seemed to have responded to his whisper, his discomfort mitigated, and fell into deep sleep.

Sandoval knew that by now he was supposed to be exhausted himself. The fact that he was about to participate in the rehearsal with Orlando kept him awake for the most part of the previous night; and his nerves never relaxed for a single second today, all enegy dedicated to worrying about Orlando and what to say to him and how to repond to what Orlando said to him. At this moment however, he was more sober than ever. While time spent on the way home was eternal, the time he spent holding Orlando's hand and whipering to him surely elapsed faster than light. He needed all the sobriety before he had to let go of that hand. 

Orlando woke up to find himself in a completely alien surrounding, Sandoval sitting by the bed looking at him with certain anxiety.

"I couldn't wake you up yesterday when I drove you home. And couldn't find your key anywhere either. So I had to take you to here to my house. Er....sorry I had to go through your things to find that key which I didn't." Sandoval spoke before Orlando could raise any questions.

It obviously took Orlando quite a while to absorb the answers to all the questions he would have aksed. "Ah...that's OK," he responded after almost 30 seconds of uneasy silence, "thanks for taking me in. He turned his head away, looking casual, just in time for Sandoval to miss the smile on his face, then turned back. "Looks like I can get rid of that FLU faster in your house. Maybe I should crash more here. You don't mind, do you?"

"Um...sure not...no. Any time." This time Sandoval actually figured it was a joke. But not knowing what to say exactly, he responded as if he hadn't figured anything at all.

Orlando, however, did not make fun of Sandoval for falling for his joke either. He rolled out of bed and started putting on his coat, "Great! It's a deal then. I gotta go back to the studio. I remember leaving my key in my script as a bookmark. Forgot to take it back."

"Yeah...so typical of you. I think you need a lift. I wouldn't recommend going all by yourself. You still need more rest."

"Happy to oblige, if it's not too much trouble."

"Not really, no. I need to pick up something from the store."

So they were together for a second car ride. Still not much talk, but the atmosphere was not so tense, if not peaceful. Sandoval realized that there were actually occasions in which he could talk to Orlando with ease, like this one. Even though it was right after the most uneasy day of his life.

But then, did Orlando intentionally not make fun of Sandoval for falling for his joke, so that he could sooner or later find some excuses to come over again? No one would ever find out.

END

Sandoval rushed out of the studio to find Orlando leaning against the wall right next to the entrance, hand over his eyes.

"Are you OK?"

"Fine...mostly. Just tired." Orlando sighed, "And a tad dizzy too. Give me a hand, will ya?"

Sandoval's hand almost instinctively reached out for Orlando, as if enchanted. When his hand touched Orlando's palm, all the sounds in the world seemed to have gone away; he couldn't even hear his own heartbeat this time. If the previous experience was like immersed under water, then this one surely felt like drowning, or probably even a near-death-experience, only that he was a bit too "inexperienced" to tell. Then he figured why it felt like drowning. The fever induced temperature, and the very fact that this was Orlando's palm, together put his heart into stasis. Without a jolt it just wouldn't start pounding again.

Just as Sandoval thought he was about to suffocate, the much needed jolt came. "Sandy...are you gonna help me, or are you just gonna hold my hand like this forever?" Orlando's voice, really an effective jolt, a little bit too strong though.

Sandoval trembled a little. "Er...sorry. I was just...distracted." He pulled Orlando from the wall, and felt himself blushing as he let go the hand. He had to turn around immediately so that Orlando wouldn't notice.

"Distracted? By what? And what's so interesting out there?" Here it came, another untimely jolt. Any more of these his heart was going to stop again.

"Nothing, really." Sandoval could feel all of his flood rushing to his face. He could only pray that Orlando wouldn't look at him in the face any time soon.

"Nothing? Then why were you in such a hurry to turn away?"

Touche. This was a life-time crisis. Sandoval kept telling himself to take it easy, that Orlando might not have noticed anything at all. It was typical of Orlando to harmlessly ask exactly the question that could not be answered, and not realizing he'd done so. Right now what he needed was just a not too lousy excuse.

"I was just looking at the....er, the entrance to the subway over there. Looks like we are caught in the peak of the rush hour. What about....um, just come with me. I'll drive you home. You are in no condition to get packed into the subway train." What was planned to be a question turned out to be a request. Somehow Sandoval just knew that if he had asked, Orlando would have refused.

"Free ride then! Why not?" Orlando agreed so willingly that for a moment Sandoval thought he was hallucinating.

Sandoval had been known as NOT being a fan of heating system of all kinds, perhaps thanks to his element resistant mechanism. Car windows were always wound up while driving; all in all there was just no reason for him to use the heater in his car. He was about to drive away when he stole a glimpse at Orlando, and noticed an almost imperceptible shiver, which the latter was trying hard to repress. It then occurred to Sandoval that Orlando was known among colleagues to be his exact opposite, described as "a cat curled by the stove in winter", not to mention that he was also suffering from fever brought by THE flu.

"That's very thoughtful of you Sandy," Orlando said as Sandoval turned the heat on, "I know you don't like the heat."

Why did you have to say that? Why couldn you just pretend it were something normal for me to turn on the heat in the winter?!! Sandoval felt the impulse to knock his head against the windshield. His intention of behaving casually was completely shattered.

"It's...um....no big deal," Sandoval panicked, trying almost in vain to speak in his normal tone. "Just sit tight. We'll be there in no time."

No response. Sandoval sighed with relief.

The relief soon became uneasiness. At first he wished Orlando'd stop bringing up, in his usual innocent manner, those subjects that always proved impossible for him to cope. His wish was granted. But the ensuing silence was excruciating. He had been alone with Orlando before, and many times. There were of course occasions in which neither was talking, but the silence had never been such a crushing burden to bear. Perhaps this was because right now they were in a car--an enclosed space. It was the first time in his life that Sandoval realized he was probably a little more claustrophobic than expected.

Must say something before this silence kills. That was the only thought left in Sandoval's mind. He wanted desperately to know what Orlando was doing sitting right next to him but speechless, yet figured it was way too blatant either to directly look at him or ask him what he was up to . Finally he decided to ask Orlando if it was OK to turn on the radio; it seemed an all right question for the occasion.

He felt the weight on his left shoulder before opening his mouth. Orlando had dozed off, putting his weight almost completly on Sandoval.

TBC

2 hours had passed when Orlando had to come in for the preparation of his part. Sandoval volunteered to go get him, trying to look casual as he walked away, ignoring all those you-know-what chuckles behind him that gave him the creeps.

Opening the door of the lounge, Sandoval found Orlando curled up in the couch, his back towards him. He was about to wake the sleeping man when a tiny trembling of the shoulder was noticed. Sandoval frowned again, and found himself reluctant to wake Orlando knowing how unwell he must be feeling. However, he just had to.

"Er....Or....Orlando...." Sandoval never knew it could be so difficult to utter a few simple syllables. Orlando repeatedly told him not to precede his name with mister, but he was still uncomfortable with dropping all the honorifics, and would pause whenever addressing him. Hope he didn't notice that. "Orlando....." Sandoval stuttered as he unintentionally fixed his sight on Orlando's neck and couldn't look away. He had to take a deeeeep breath to pull himself together before opening his mouth again. "They need you out there. Gotta go."

Orlando stirred and turned around. "I thought they'd expect me a little late....than this. Didn't get much sleep."

"You still look like hell. You sure you are up to this?"

"You know what? You think too much." Orlando tried to stand up but succumbed to a fit of dizziness and had to lean on Sandoval to shoulder to steady himself.

Sandoval felt his heart rate soared out of control. The breath of Orlando right onto his neck made him rigid all over. But he was soon dragged back to reality by that scaringly high temperature from the breath. He coulnd't help put his hand on Orlando's forehead. This time he immediately felt immersed under water, nothing but the wild pounding of his heart could be heard, as if it were the only sound in the whole universe.

"I think too much? You are burning up." Sandoval managed to say something sensible without losing himself in such direct contact.

"But I still have to go out there. I know you are gonna say take a break and all that, but not now. I've been through this, a lot. So you can say that later." Orlando pulled himself away from Sandoval and got to his feet, giving himself a few pats on the head to clear his thoughts. "You know it gets me often. You were the one to refer to it as THE flu. Don't you think you are just a little bit overreacting?"

"I'm just..." worried about you. The last 3 words didn't come out in the end. It might not be wise to actually say them to Orlando face to face, at least NOT before getting to know his feelings, or rather, opinions in this whole thing. But again, why did Orlando have to feel something, or have an opinion? There might not have been a "thing" there in the first place. This was also a cruel fact that Sandoval sometimes was reluctant to admit: it'd never be possible for either of them (or probably for him alone, as chances were that he didn't know much about Orlando) to say it, if life was to go on. After all, life was not a movie in which you could say I'll take my chances and just leave reality and consequences behind.

"I'm just....right, guess I overreacted a little bit. Not quite myself today. They are waiting for you out there. Just don't go all out...er, unless necessary."

"Well, that's makes two of us." Orlando managed to gather a smile on his pale face, "ah, I mean the not yourself part. I'll just get this over with and head for my cozy bed."

Orlando disappeared on the other side of the lounge door before Sandoval could ask him what he meant just now.

Sandoval also came back to join the team for the rest of the rehearsal, during which he'd steal a few looks at Orlando whenever possible, fearing that he might pass out or something. But it turned out that he probably really overreacted. Orlando smiled and sang and uttered the lines as if THE flu hadn't got him whatsoever. And because his attention was not at all on the rehearsal, most of the NGs came from him and he had to deal with the director's what's-with-you-today looks with a commercial smile, and say that he somehow got nervous. When they finally wrapped up for the day, he was soaked with sweat, a quite rare scene in winter, even with the indoor radiators. And this drew a little more attention to him than expected. He could only put on that "nothing happened and no big deal" look so that others wouldn't pry.

Sandoval was still trying to figure out how to offer Orlando a ride home when Terrence snuck up on him. "Man, what are you waiting for? Just say it already!"

"What are you..." Sandoval almost jumped up, "Don't sneak up on me like that! You scared me to death. What did you just..."

"I'm just saying, go to Orlando and ask him to ride with you. It's your luck day, man. No offense though, it's just that you don't need to rack your brain for weird excuses this time. He's sick, this is a nice excuse itself already."

"What the...How did you..." Sandoval was too stunned to say a word. But then he had to come to terms with the depressing fact that Terrence knew him inside out, especially when it came to Orlando. "Was it really that obvious?"

"At least to me, yeah." Terrence spoke as if he was watching a fun drama, "I don't even have to look at Orlando's face to tell that he's sick. That look on your face pretty much tells me everything. You know, the I'm-worried-sick look and all."

"......" For the first time in his life, Sandoval was literally speechless. And he got a feeling that this wouldn't be the last time either.

"So what are you still standing here for? I told you this was gonna be your best shot ever." Terrence shrugged as if he were a critic of a drama program, "Are you gonna let him take the subway just like that, all by himself? I'm not gonna imagine when..."

Sandoval rushed out before Terrence could finish his words.

Terence shrugged.

TBC

Sandoval sighed, for the 1 zillionth time this morning. He had found it impossible to concentrate--he was here with Orlando, in the same studio, again.

It wasn't actually very long ago when they had a fleeting chance to be in the same animation. But they were both portraying what Hollywood would call character actors (and in an animation this would obviously become a funny "character character"), he couldn't even find a split second to talk to him. And now, they were here together again, in the same room, and with actual and tangible time for contact, ever since they'd been together last time for that grand commemeration event.

With what happened last time, Sandoval found it more difficult to strike an "ordinary" conversation with Orlando. The latter acted innocent and harmless, with that I-don't-know-what-you-are-taling-about smile on his face all the time. Despite all seeming "assurance" coming from Orlando, Sandoval was still in a state of unsettlment, especially with that ambivalent smile which he always hoped would be exclusive.

"Something on your mind?"

The suddenly approach of that celestial voice almost jolted Sandoval out of his chair.

"What, did I scare you that much?" And here came that ambivalent and innocent smile.

"No...well yeah, I've got something on my mind though. I was thinking...." Sandoval found that he didn't have to come up with an excuse as he spoke, noticing that almost unnoticable frown on Orlando's face. "I was just wondering why you look so pale today."

"Do I really? I thought I'm always kinda pale." Orlando smiled as usual, "And I thought you once said you wouldn't like it if I got sun tanned. Just let me show you this. See, recently I got this done to the skin of my neck and chest so it looks sorta..." He actually started unbuttoning that dazzling shirt of his.

"Wait wait wait.....I don't remember saying that! And what...what the hel...what do you think you are doing?!" Sandoval stammered in a panic, almost forgetting to turn down the volume, his sight rigidly trying to turn away from Orlando, only to find that face zooming in as he turned away.

"Gotcha! What did you think I was gonna do?"

Another one of his jokes. Sandoval could hear another string attached to his nerves snap. That sensation of powerlessness surfaced again. He was not sure if he could take any more of this. Perhaps he didn't know that much about Orlando after all. And he couldn't stop wondering just how SERIOUS Orlando really was.

But he didn't have to be serious in the first place, did he? Or, maybe he just couldn't afford to be.

"You really are so cute when you are with me, Sandy. How is it that my joke got you literally every time?" The word "cute" would have sent another bolt through Sandoval as most of Orlando's astonishing words (or speeches for that matter) did, only this time it didn't happen. Sandoval's insight, miraculously becoming more acute every time he got close to Orlando, helped him glimpse a drop of sweat on Orlando's forehead before he left to get his script.

It was Sandoval's time to frown. It was December, almost deep winter, and a period of time in which Orlando was known to be in not very good shape, and a famous one at that. The others, from various different agencies would send him greetings on his blog. Sandoval sighed yet again, and reached into his pocket for the car key when the art director called all of them in. It would seem a hard day's rehearsal before anyone could relax.

At this point it occurred to Sandoval that he had 2 things on his mind that he failed to grasp: why would they want the whole thing done so badly that rehearsal started one and a half month before and everyone had to drop everything else and work day in and day out for this event; and why Orlando would never stop straining himself. It would have been the ideal opportunity for him to at least come to Orlando's side, but he ended up worrying sick about "his Orli" instead.

When the first break came, Sandoval immediately placed himself next to Orlando, turning his back to all those giggles that he knew would suffocate him on one of those radio programs to come.

"You never strike me as the aggressive type." Orlando chuckled, "Last I checked, you were the one concerned with all these people looking at us."

You are the one I'm concerned about right now. Swallowing these words down the throat, Sandoval pulled himself together from the initial dizziness of getting so close to Orlando. "I just came over to say that you really look like hell. Just take the day off. Most of your parts are at the later pages of the script, won't hold back the schedule."

"I just need the big picture," Orlando winkles innocently, that harmlessness on his face rendering Sandoval so powerless, "You know how serious I can be when it comes to work, don't you? Besides, it's just a flu, what's the big deal?"

"I have good reason to believe that when it comes to you, it's THE flu, and it already set in. Now, I would like to kindly suggest that work be put aside. Should it become serious when the big day comes, things'd be more complicated." Sandoval replied, still not very sure how informal he should  address Orlando, trying his best to look serious.

"Sandy...Why the sudden change of tone?" Orlando pouted, "I thought I told you not to talk to me like that."

"Then stop doing this to yourself and take a break!"

"Fine, fine, you won. I'll do it." Orlando finally gave in."But I'm not going home. I'll just take a break in the lounge. Call me if they need me for any part of the script." He stood up and headed for the lounge, leaving Sandoval to ponder how to get everyone so worked up on the first part of the script that they forget about Orlando's presence altogether.

TBC